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Tuesday, 30 June 2009

South Africa's own SAT

Our dear (in the sense that Kim Jong-Il is North Korea’s Dear Leader) minister of education, comrade Blade Nzimande, wants to institute a university entrance exam for those who fail to get university exemption in matric.

According to comrade Nzimande, it is unacceptable that “only” 18% of all matriculants gain exemption. According to him, 18% is “too low.” Excuse me comrade, but of these 18% that do reach university, why do almost half still fail their first year? This was also the case with my all-white classmates when I was at university during the apartheid years. Actually, comrade, the opposite is true: matric is and has always been too easy. Too many people that should not be there, still go to university and waste their time and their parents' money in the process.

However, in principle, something like the American Scholastic Aptitude Test (SAT) is not a bad idea. The SAT is an entrance exam to get into college or university. If people do indeed have the potential to excel at university but are being constrained by a poor school environment, such a test would introduce a measure of fairness into the system. What it would also do, is to lay to rest the myth that apartheid / Bantu education / poor schools etc are to blame for poor educational outcomes.


We all know what the outcome will be. Let me give you a clue: no matter whether it’s matric or an SAT, some groups of people will still do better than others in any academic and aptitude test. In the USA, the people who do best at SAT's happen to be of East Asian origin.

So, as soon as comrade Blade introduces South Africa’s version of the SAT, guess what will happen? Right. A South African SAT still won’t solve comrade Blade’s problem and address his real reasons for wanting to offer another route to university. He will still have to institute quotas, like the extreme forms of racism perpetrated by the UCT's Faculty of Medicine against whites.

To understand this, just look at the USA: the Americans already have an SAT but now they have to institute quotas to keep the East Asians from filling too many places in science and engineering at MIT and Harvard. They're simply much better at maths and science than us Caucasians are.

The above obviously constitutes a very relevant philosophical question: what is the point of administering tests? Obviously it's to distinguish between competent and incompetent candidates. If you fail your bar exam, you can't become a lawyer. However, in the age of insane political correctness, things are not as simple as they seem. People can write tests and pass but if the politicians don't like the outcome, for example because only white people passed, tests are disregarded.

If you're going to disregard the outcome of a test and regardless of his passing or failing make somebody a neurosurgeon or give him a promotion, just because he happens not to be a Caucasian, what is the point of having a test at all? Does the test then just become some kind of charade that attempts to fool some people into believing that their abilities, as opposed to their skin colour, matter at all?

However, I believe I can help our dear comrade. Here’s my suggestion for a South African SAT, a test that will remove the need for any quotas and will allow comrade Blade to truly transform all universities.

1. You have 6 girlfriends and you’ve all been sexually active since age 8. You have also raped a number of women since age 14. What are the odds of all of you being HIV+? a) 100% b) 100% c) 100% (5 points)

2. You and your mates decide to rob a cash-in-transit van. What is the best artillery to take along? a) 9mm b) AK-47 c) RPG-7 d) M-16 e) all of the above (5 points)

3. The best way to get rich quickly in Mzansi is: a) Robbing a bank, b) working as a corrupt civil servant for Home Affairs, c) having a BEE deal awarded to you because you’re related to a minister, d) being friends with JZ. (5 points)

4. Driving on the wrong side of the road while pissed is acceptable if a) you’re a AA-appointed judge, b) you drive a black Jaguar, c) you really have to d) all of the above (5 points)
5. Your population group is: a) black (+10000000000000000 points) b) coloured (5 points) c) Indian -10 points d)other / currently disadvantaged / Caucasian (-1000000000000 points)

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